Friday, April 25, 2014

the most anticlimactic lipstick tutorial ever

 Last night we dropped off Lola to stay with her grandparents for the weekend while Matt and I travel for a wedding I'm in. I'm not going to lie. I don't know how people do this with their human kids on a daily basis. Even though she regularly annoys me and requires lots of, I love that dog. And packing up all her belongings and taking her to stay with Mimi for the weekend shouldn't be that big a deal, but then she looked at me with those big Lola eyes and I was like I'm sorrrrryyyyyy!!!! I'll come back for you sooooon!!!! and I didn't want to leave. Anyway. I think I have dog attachment issues.

To get my mind off abandoning my lab, we headed to eat tacos with Matt's parents. Life tip #1 from Erika: distract yourself with food whenever anything remotely stressful happens. That there'll get you through pretty much anything, promise. After dinner, my mother-in-law guided me through Step 2 of Dealing With Stress: shopping at Ulta. What can I say? My people know me well. And also, it was right across the parking lot and we were walking past like, stars aligning and all that.

I don't particularly need anything makeup-wise at the moment, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't just check to make sure, right? Right. And then as it turned out, I found something(s) I DID need! That's just how makeup goes.

I've had multiple requests for 'lipstick tutorials' in the past. I've never done it because my lipstick shopping and application is an absolute joke. I'm probably less qualified than my dog to write a tutorial about such things. (Just kidding, everyone knows Lola is gorgeous and perfect just the way she is. She requires no additional adornment except for occasional scarves and/or sweaters and/or puffer jackets if it's cold.)

But just for kicks, let me walk you through my extensive and well-thought-out Lipstick Shopping technique from last night.

Step 1: Thoroughly browse the high-end makeup side of the store. Pause frequently, observing colors, features, and prices. Make educated comments about things you read on beauty blogs and/or magazines. 

Step 2: Realize you have no business spending $30 on a single lipstick. That money could buy good eyeshadow or the best foundation on earth. Priorities, people. Lipstick ain't one of them (today).

Step 3: Head to the cheap aisles. NYX has some pretty solid cheap stuff, supposedly, PLUS it's all buy one get one 50% off today, so we'll start there.

Step 4: Do this to your arm. 

Note: this picture was taken maybe 30 minutes after the lipsticks were applied. They were mostly opaque when I sampled them. This is what they look like by 30 minutes later. This should tell you something about the longevity of $4 lipsticks, ha.
Step 5: Try to decide which colors you need. Try to remember which ones look like colors you already own. Fail.

Step 6: Try to remember which arm-sample corresponds to which lipstick. Fail. Should've taken notes...

Step 7: Grab two tubes at random, figuring that you're only spending $6 so if they both suck and/or are duplicates of stuff at haven't lost much.

Step 8: Purchase. Delight in the fear in your husband's eyes when he sees you leaving Ulta with a little orange bag. Laugh at the relief that washes over his face when you inform him you're only $6 poorer.

And...that's pretty much it. I tried them on when I got home. One of them is REALLY BRIGHT coral. I kind of loved it. Matt stared at me for 30 seconds before saying "it's....bright?" hahahahaha. The other one is a more sheer peachy-pink. Not quite as bright, but still fun. That's the one I put on this morning. And then I attempted to get a decent picture of it. Not so easy when the sun was trying to blind me.

There's me and my twin sister, modeling our new lipstick. Oh wait, no. But if you think I didn't spend 10 minutes thinking about how awesome it would be to have a twin sister to share lipsticks and dress matchy-matchy're wrong.

After the Big Lipstick Purchase we wandered to the store next door...a junky dollar-store type place. I found this gem:

A memory book for your cat??! GENIUS. Then when your cat is grown it can thumb through the pages, laughing at the antics from his kitten days, awwwww-ing at his baby pictures...precious. I feel like such a jerk pet mom that I haven't religiously kept these for each of my pets. I bet they feel so resentful towards me.

It's a quick half day today, then we're on our way to Atlanta for a weekend of wedding fun! Tonight we kick things off with Alyssa's 'bachelorette party' at the Braves game!! What can I say...she likes baseball better than bar crawling. I'm looking forward to it, being the gigantic baseball fan that I am. Ha. More like...I'm looking forward to stadium food. COTTON CANDY, right?? There better be some.

Have a great weekend!!


  1. 1) The new lip color looks fabulous on you!
    2) Your notes about the memory book made me laugh...I'm still wiping away the tears. Your poor pets may never forgive you for this major mom fail.
    3) I'm a little jealous you're having stadium food for dinner--that sounds sinfully delicious! I'll be thinking of you as I'm choking down my salad. Blah.

    Have a great wedding weekend!

  2. Today I managed to put on tinted chapstick - the first bit of color on my lips in weeks. I know that kills you… :)

    Y'all have fun in Atlanta!

  3. I'm really bummed you didn't buy the purple lipstick. In my mind, it looks about the same as your purple notebook in the photo. You look lovely today, though! I like the coral lipstick/necklace combo. Meanwhile my hair is in a bun with a headband. Thank the Lord it's Friday! Have a great weekend!

  4. First thought is who on earth would wear purple lipstick?!? Hope I don't offend anyone with that..oops! haha Lipstick is that hardest thing for me to buy, I never know what looks good on me. Have a great weekend at the wedding!! A bachelorette party at a baseball game sounds like so much fun!! (Serious on that one, I LOVE sports!)

  5. I've been reading your blog for a couple months now and you never cease to make me laugh. Love your sense of humor and love your blog!

  6. Thanks for the lipstick steps! When I go into Ulta, I'll make sure to have these handy :) Step 5 will be easy because I own none. #girlfail

    My dad lives in Atlanta so I used to go to Braves games a lot. I only tolerated it because of the food. Enjoy!!! :)

  7. I'm so boring with my Naked lip gloss. That's it. That's all I'm wearing lately. BORING. If the cat memory book had been a dog book would you have bought it?

  8. You picked some great colours! I'm not a lipstick person myself but maybe I should be... maybe I will even buy some today!!

  9. That is exactly my lipstick buying process. I ultimately fail every time. Ah well.

  10. I so wish I looked as good as you with lipstick. Instead I just look like a clown!

  11. Does it disappoint you to know that as twin sisters, Amanda and I never share lipstick (since we don't wear any)? And which is more disappointing... that we don't share it, or that neither of us wear it?

  12. Love the lipstick on you! I'm ALL about cheap makeup! Score!

  13. Ditto to what Allison said- but I do think your lipstick looks cute! Almost as cute as my "sheer" vanilla mint chapstick ;)

    Hope the wedding is fun and distracts you from missing Lola! Haven't left the twins overnight yet but can imagine I'll need a distraction or 10 when I do!

  14. Eric and I both cry when we drop off our dogs at the kennel every year for our annual beach vacay (but he'd never admit it). I feel like this is a total normal reaction to leaving your pet behind!

  15. Have a great weekend! I know what you mean about not knowing how people do it with kids! I babysat a friend's baby for two days last weekend and it took me DAYS to recover. I'm not even kidding.

  16. When I eventually turn to blogging, I plan to write about my love for the NYX glosses. I may have 4-5 in my makeup bag at any given time:)

  17. I love that even though you inspired me to buy lipstick (heck, any make up at all!) for the first time in years and you can't even tell when I'm wearing the lipstick I ended up buying! Maybe I should look for a purple one next time :)

    ps. I wore lipstick to my first job interview in almost eight years yesterday so we'll see if it did any good. At least I attempted to look like a grown up!


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