Tuesday, April 22, 2014

things I do because my mother wouldn't let me

I'm a rule follower. I always have been. I like rules, parameters, systems, and when people do what they're supposed to do. I don't always like or agree with a given rule...but even still, I abide by them. It would drive you crazy to ride in the car with me. I never go over the speed limit. Rule follower

Growing up, guess what? I was a rule follower! Obviously I disagreed with most of the rules my parents set up, but I very rarely sought to break them. I mastered the art of complying with my actions while SILENTLY REBELLING WITH MY BRAIN AND MY EYE ROLLS. I'm sure I was a delight to parent.

Now that I'm all grown, I understand and appreciate most of the rules my parents had. They were and are very reasonable people. They weren't on a power trip or arbitrarily strict. I still live by most of the rules that governed my life growing up: I don't run out in traffic, I don't climb into windowless vans with strange men offering candy, I wash my face before I go to bed, I don't smoke. 

But there are a few things I don't do. A few rules that got kicked to the curb once I left the nest. And I'm gonna be honest: I think that half of the joy I get from doing these things is just the knowledge that my mother wouldn't let me do it. But now I'm my OWN boss and I say yes. It's awesome. Sometimes being a grownup is the most kickass thing ever. So maybe deep in my heart there is a little seed of rebellion. Who knows.

The list is short, but here we go.

Things I Do Because My Mother Wouldn't Let Me:

1. Eat noodles with ranch dressing.

I know. I'm almost ashamed. But then again, I'm not, because it is SO FREAKING DELICIOUS. And my mother WOULDN'T LET ME. Was it because it's so grossly unhealthy? Because she spent so long heating up that Prego and she didn't want it to go to waste? Because the combination just disgusted her personally and therefore she didn't want to have to look at it on my plate? I may never know, but the fact is, every time I tried to eschew my marinara in favor of some Hidden Valley, I got shot down.

But now I'm my own boss. And while I am far too calorie-conscious to actually down a whole plate of noodles and ranch, I will admit that anytime I have a few leftover noodles, they're bound to rendezvous with a little ranch and be eaten up while I'm doing the dishes. And it is fabulous.

2. Walk around outside in my sock feet.

Exhibit A: last night
 Moms get in a frenzies about the lamest things. Walking around outside in socks has to be right up there at the top of the list. Yeah yeah yeah, I get that the Georgia red clay will NEVER EVER come out and they'll be permanently orange. The concrete will prick them up. They'll probably get a hole from a stick or something. And yet...sometimes a person just needs to walk around outside in their socks, okay?? Moms need to calm down. Now that I'm my own boss and I'm in charge of my own laundry and my own sock purchasing, I let myself walk around outside in my socks whenever the mood strikes (which is often). It's delightful. However, I don't judge my mom too harshly for this rule. I can see how it would be annoying to have to constantly replace the socks for three kids. I'd probably make a similar rule. But I definitely wouldn't abide by it myself. That's what being a grownup is all about!

3. Pop my gum.

I'm probably the most gifted gum popper you have ever encountered. Seriously. It's one of those things that 90% of you would never know about me since you don't know me in real life. The 10% that do know me are all nodding and wishing I would still abide by my mother's gum popping rules, which were plentiful. I'm pretty sure I learned the art of loud and obnoxious gum popping when I was still in diapers. I bet they thought it was cute at first. Ha! Joke's on you now. Anyway, my parents were always nagging me big time to stoooopppp popping your gummmmm!!!!!! whenever we were in the car, watching TV, or basically doing anything. I was allowed to pop my gum if I was alone in a soundproof room, which was not very often. Since I can't chew gum without popping it, this meant that I was doomed to spend most of my time gumless. I mean...what's even the point of life if you can't be chewing gum? Ugh. Anyway.

Either Matt is deaf or he's the kindest person on earth. I don't think he's ever complained about my gum popping. I pop it as loud as I want, whenever and wherever I want, AND IT IS AWESOME. I have my own office at work and that's my favorite part about that, too. No one complains or cramps my style. Freedom to pop. Bliss. 

Umm...I think this is the end of my list. Is that sad? 18 years of 'oppression' (so said the teenager) and now I glory in breaking three little rules? It is sad. Oh well. I'll just eat some noodles and ranch to cheer myself up while I dream up nonsensical rules to burden my own future children with! No cookies while you're wearing flip flops during Daylight Savings Time! I am definitely going to dominate parenthood.


  1. HA! You are such a rebel! And I love it! I grew up with strict parents, too, but I can't for the life of me think of anything I do now that I wasn't allowed to do back then (and at the time it felt like I wasn't allowed to do ANYTHING). I watch HBO shows and stay up past 9:00 p.m. now, if that counts. I sometimes leave dishes in the sink overnight, which was a no-no growing up in our house. I also leave clean laundry in the basket for days before I get around to folding/hanging--IF I ever get around to folding/hanging before wearing it (my mom would have a heart attack if she knew that). I blame my boring adulthood on a conservative childhood. And sad to say, I'm probably going to be a strict parent...the same kind I hated having as a kid.

  2. Ha ha- I love these! I have to agree with your moms no gum popping rule, though! My mom pops her gum and it sends me over the edge. Kinda funny that our roles are reversed in this situation! And I must say I've never had ranch with noodles- I'm not sure how I think that sounds but think it's so funny that your mom wouldn't allow it!

  3. This is great! I don't chew gum but my parents would get SO mad at my siblings when they would pop their gum growing up!!

  4. Haha this is awesome! My older brother is the king of popping his gum and it does send me over the edge too! The only thing I can think of that I do now is roll and move around my bed as much as I want when I go to sleep. If I slept with my mom, she would make lay still like a mummy! So after a few times, I got sick of having to lay still and stopped crawling into her bed. In hindsight she probably did this on purpose so she could have her bed back haha.

  5. I have no words for ranch and noodles, except: THAT IS DISGUSTING!

    My mom had a no sock rule too but her reason was that I'd track dirt back in the house. That makes ZERO sense. Socks track dirt but bare feet don't???

    Feel blessed that you were able to chew game at all... I was allowed Dentyne or Trident... who wants to chew that? I had to work soooo hard to pop bubbles with that crap.

  6. HA! I would add to that list staying up late to read in bed. My folks would constantly get on me for staying up with my nightstand light on, reading. Also, reading in the bathroom. If I want to read at a weird time, I'm gonna do it! Grown, do what I want!

  7. I am so with you on the socks! I'm the worst offender. Yesterday, I walked outside to the mailbox and back in my white socks. That meant walking across our nasty driveway, and into the actual street. I have no shame.

    I am a huge ranch fan, but on noodles? Not sure about that one, you rebel.

  8. haha love #2 and #3. #1 is great, but I don't eat noodles or ranch :) You know #3 speaks straight to my heart!

    PS does your mom read your blog?

  9. Ugh! I would never walk outside in sock feet! The socks get wet and that is the worst feeling! I'm also anti-gum popping, but I don't chew gum at all so that is probably why. I'm trying to think of things my parents wouldn't let me do as a kid that I do now. Probably mostly watch trashy tv shows. My parents were pretty strict about what we could and couldn't watch on TV. Mostly because of my habit of sneaking downstairs and watching Jenny McCarthy on Spring Break on MTV. MTV was blocked on our tv for YEARS because of that!

  10. For my parents, it was the popping and the flavor. My dad never hesitated to ask who was "chewing that stinking gum" when he found the flavor offensive. (Made for some fun car rides!) To this day, I still feel a little rebellious on the rare occasions when I buy Grape Bubblicious :)

  11. Oh my gosh I love this! Sometimes I text my Mom and say "I just wanted to tell you I'm eating dessert before supper right now!" hahahah

    I put ranch on my pizza and hubby thinks I'm ruining it but I do it anyway...

  12. Gum popping and chomping drive me BONKERS!!! OMG!! It is the worst!

    I have never even considered putting ranch on my noodles, so maybe I should try? I stick to (tons) of butter and parm.

  13. That noodle business is bizarre. I also have the same socks.

  14. Agree with your mom on all three! Matt and Jason will rebel too when they grow up, but with the cost of Nike Elite socks ($14-16/pair) there no way they are walking outside without shoes! Then again as adults they will buy their own socks...not my money!

  15. The noodles + ranch thing sounds very unusual, but I like both of those things, so I'll support it. Also, I jumped off the porch one time without shoes on when I was younger and landed on the flower bed edging and cut my foot open. AND Allison was running around barefoot outside once and stepped on a nail. So the moral of the story is: mom was right. Unless your socks are VERY thick, you should def wear shoes outside!

  16. LOVE this! So much!!! P.S. Let Sam run in the yard in socks tonight. #coolestmomever

  17. This post is too funny! The only major parental rules I can think about breaking now are what I watch and what I say. I can totally understand now why my parents didn't let me watch certain shows (Married With Children is the only one coming to mind right now.) And now that I am such a mature adult, I can chose to say butt, shut up, stupid and fart if I want to. :)

  18. Noodles with ranch dressing?!?!?

    I wear my Spring jacket outside (or sometimes even NO jacket) even if it's not +10C in the morning. That was always our Spring rule. I also break crackers into my soup! Rebels of the world unite :)


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