Thursday, October 25, 2012

the cat lady aisle

On our way home from work today, Matt and I made a quick stop by Target. We needed cat food and Q-Tips, which completely explains why I spent an hour scouring the clearanced workout clothes first. I think I have some kind of workout-clothes-purchasing disease or something. Or maybe it's just that apparently my Zumba class is a daggum FASHION COMPETITION that I always seem to be losing. At any rate, I have a weakness for buying cute new workout clothes. Unfortunately, today I made the major mistake of trying on the clothes first, which meant I had to see myself in the dressing room mirror. That was a total mood-killer. Where the heck does BACK FAT come from and why did it choose me? Disgusting.


So after I chose the least-nauseating adorable neon "body shaping" top (which is bound to encourage me to workout harder, right?), we headed over to get the things we actually needed. Since by this point I had totally wasted a ton of our time with my dilly-dallying in Active Wear, I suggested that Matt and I divide and conquer: I'd go grab the Q-Tips, he'd pick up the cat food. I divided the tasks this way because I live in fear of having to use the WRONG kind of Q-Tips, which would include anything that is not actually Q-Tip brand. Off-brand Q-Tips are definitely one of the most horrifying thing ever.  You may as well just poke yourself with a sharp stick loosely draped with one sheet of toilet paper. Anyways. There is no room for error in my Q-Tip-purchasing. So I do it myself. Cat food, though...ya know, whatever's on sale. 

So I grabbed my Q-Tips and headed over to Pets to find Matt. After scanning all 4 (or however many) aisles and not seeing him, I looped back around for a slower, more thorough search. I mean, Target wasn't particularly busy. There were roughly zero to two people on any given aisle. Why didn't I see him the first time?

Oh, right. Because apparently Thursdays at 5:30 is Crazy Cat Lady Social Hour at the Target  cat food aisle. Fo' serious. I couldn't find Matt because the cat food aisle had at least 14 enthusiastic lovers of cats mobbing the aisles, swapping kitty tales as they overloaded their baskets with all manner of Cat Nutrition and Accoutrements. Matt was the lone male in a sea of feline-lovin' ladies, and the expression on his face as he stood there, furiously calculating out the cost-per-ounce of a few different brands, was priceless. After a few seconds, the panic in his eyes (and heart, I guess) overwhelmed his ability to mentally calculate and desire to pick the best deal and he snatched up a bag and sprinted to the relative safety of the main aisle. I think I saw sweat dripping down his face as he rushed me to the register.

After settling into the car, I casually asked if he enjoyed selecting the cat food today. He gave me the hard side-eye as he declared baby, that was CA-RAZY. He related a few snippets of what he overheard, and despite the mockery and disdain in his voice, I think I detected a little something...else.

"Matt, if something ever happens to me...are you going to pick up your next wife in the cat food aisle? Because I mean, that's okay, I guess. It seemed like a fun crowd."

He laughed in my face, but probably it was because I'd hit the nail on the head. That aisle was definitely ripe for the wife-picking. Single men (my target blog demographic, obvs), you are totally missing out if you're not cruising the cat food aisle for the ladiez.

So there you have it. Thursday afternoon adventures at Target. You are so welcome.


  1. The question is: what did Matt do while you were perusing workout clothes? Did he help you pick them out, or was he wandering aimlessly elsewhere?

  2. Only semi-related, but have you seen the Target lady skits on SNL? They are amazing.

    Also, BD LOVES cats, so I'll have to give him a tip about this social hour!

  3. I CANNOT wait until Target gets to Canada!!! Only 126-157 more days, depending on when in March they open. Whoo hooo!!!

    Of course Dave just had to rain on my parade and say that the Targets might not come equipped with crazy cat ladies. Too bad for him if I ever die and he has to look for a new wife. Ha ha ha!

  4. Natasha's husband here, pointing out that I'm allergic to cats, so take *that*, aisle of irresistible crazy cat ladies!

  5. (Blog lurker here.) I'm really impressed with your husband's patience while you dilly-dallied in active wear! You q-tip people are funny - my husband MUST have qtips and he thinks he MUST have the name brand, but I switch them out with the HEB brand and he can't tell until after I tell him I tricked him...

  6. Okay, maybe you can appreciate this, but we were at Target late tonight for some tights (random) and I was also perusing through the clearance workout clothes with James. The person working that section said something like "oh, yes, those are 30% off!!" and James said "Only 30? Um, ma'aam, she doesn't even get out of bed for 30". HAHAHA, obviously I have a reputation for liking a good discount. :)

  7. Qtip lover here too! When we first got married, Bran made the mistake of buying generic "cotton swabs." Where on the list did it say cotton swabs? It said QTIPS!

    He said we were poor and he was saving money.. I told him a poked ear drum wouldn't save us a thing!

    But then, he cleans his ears with BOBBY PINS!



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